Respect!?! The process of getting treatment gets even slower.

An amazing thing about the human condition is how quickly we adapt to altered circumstances. I had always viewed with horror the idea of someone putting their finger or anything else up my bum hole. And yet I quickly adapted to regarding it as no big thing. This was probably a result of the kindness, respectful manner and professionalism of most of the medical people I encountered, and it was a shock when I met someone who lacked these qualities.
A bigger problem was the waiting for something to happen. In November 2006, I started physiotherapy to strengthen (straighten) my back and address chronic back and shoulder pains. I wanted to do something where I'd feel physically better rather than just fighting some unfelt disease.
The hormone treatment (Zoladex) appeared to get worse with its side effects after the second injection, especially the feelings of lethargy and despondency (both of which are recognized side effects). Added to these effects were the increasingly reduced expectations about my future. I was also troubled by other people's reactions, some even offering me their condolences.
I was at first affected by the suffering I saw at hospital. A distinguished old man was with me when I went for my CT scan but he broke into sobbing so badly that a nurse had to be brought in to counsel him. He seemed a man who felt he was facing his end but couldn't bear it. I learnt in time to ignore other people's suffering.
Friday, 1 December 2006: IMVS Pathology Clinic attached to the RAH. I had the longest wait ever for a blood test. A number of nurses lounged behind the counter discussing their social lives. Eventually the social gathering broke up when a couple of women decided to go home or whatever else they did at the end of their working day. The youngest of the nurses, a tall, attractive, blonde woman, reluctantly and mechanically took my blood. She was disinterested and disrespectful, calling me "William" after reading my name on the referral form, and never introduced herself.  
2:30pm Wednesday, 6 December 2006: Appointment with Prof Y, taken by one of his registrars. I had a lot of hope for this interview after having no contact with the hospital for three months. I had showered just beforehand in case Prof Y wanted to conduct another internal examination.
The registrar seemed young, again a blonde, attractive woman. I hoped she wasn't as disinterested as the pathology nurse. The interview was short. She knew little about me, said she could not find a computer booking for me to have brachytherapy, although the plan was recorded in Prof Y's notes. She latched onto my suggestion that I might have external beam radiation first, a probability earlier voiced by Prof Y. She finally booked me in for a CT scan the following Thursday while promising to find out what was going on.
11:30am Thursday, 14 December 2006: Unusually for the RAH, I had only a short wait for the process of the CT scan to commence. Told there would be a small tattoo to mark the measurement for the scan to later assist in targeting the external beam radiation.
I was visited by the registrar from the previous week. I asked if there was any news on my next treatment. She said she had to go to radiology and that she would let me know. Later she still didn't know anything and said she'd phone me. (I never received a call.)
Thursday, 21 December 2006: Phoned Urology (RAH) to ask what was happening with my obtaining treatment. My friend Darren had called to see me on Wednesday for support and prayer, and he urged me to phone the hospital. I was finally able to speak to a nurse who sad she'd get someone to phone me.
Phoned my GP's surgery to arrange an appointment (5 January) so that I could have another injection of the hormone treatment. This had been my only treatment three months before.
Friday, 22 December 2006: Travelling on the bus to the city, I received a phone call from a woman who said she was the Brachytherapy nurse Kim. She was hard to understand because of the bus noises. She explained that they only did one of the HDR Brachytherapy treatments a month and it was already booked up for January. She said she thought I would have external beam radiotherapy first and then usually there was a 2 to 3 week recovery period before Brachytherapy. She said the bookings clerk would phone me to commence external beam radiotherapy and Dr Y would see me each week, and that I should now enjoy Christmas.
15 January 2007: Still no word on treatment and the stress had built up. When I saw Dr W back in September he had given me his card with an email address so I messaged him about what was happening.
18 January 2007: P/c to RAH Radiology. (Yesterday afternoon had been the blackest that I had experienced. So much so that I couldn't write down how I felt. The earlier reassurance about imminent treatment had helped me relax over Christmas, but as time dragged on I lost my faith in it happening.) A woman answered simply as "radiolgy". She said Prof Y had been on holidays in December and she didn't know anything about a Dr W, that he might be on leave and she didn't know when he'd be back. She said that there were no new appointments for me on the hospital's computer system. Then she offered to put me through to the Booking office, that appointments might not have yet passed through the system.
The person who answered said she'd find out about my situation and phone me back. Debby phoned back a few minutes later and said that I would begin external beam radiation in late January / early February, and that I'd receive a phone call a week before.
29 January 2007: P/c from Prof Y who said that he was responding because of my email to Dr W. Dr W had returned to Malaysia.
Prof Y defended my treatment program, stating that it was frequent practice to give patients five months on hormone treatment before commencing radiotherapy. He also watered down my expectations saying that he wanted to do further tests to see if I was still appropriate for HDR Brachytherapy. If not suitable for HDR, I would do more external beam radiotherapy. He said he'd arrange the appointments.
Over the next couple of days, the phone calls giving appointments came in. All emphasized that they wouldn't be sending out appointment cards. 
1 February 2007: P/c stating that I would be starting external beam radiotherapy on Monday, 26 February.  Another appointment with Prof Y scheduled for 4pm 7 February (Elizabeth said she'd attend this appointment with me). Told I'd also be shown where to go for external beam radiation.
P/c from Amanda stating that I had an appointment with a private Urologist Dr S at his surgery. She was pleasant and joked about Valentine's Day.
P/c changing time for external beam radiotherapy to 11am Thursday, 22 February.
Wednesday, 7 February 2007: Elizabeth met me at the Botanic Gardens (adjacent to the RAH's Radiology Department) for the 4pm appointment with Prof Y. Unfortunately there are no windows in the radiology building overlooking the Gardens. They all face back into the hospital.
As usual we had a long wait. An odd situation where there is no reception to confirm appointments. A sign states to ask if you are waiting more than 15 minutes. A nurse came out around 4:15pm to say she knew that we were there. Many people sat waiting: older couples, younger couples, women without hair. Some people occupied themselves with magazines, TV, a games table, a computer with games, and jigsaws - reinforcing the expectation that you could wait some time.
Prof Y did no more assessments and again appeared to want to water down expectations for HDR. He said there'd be a problem if the prostate was too small, if there was cancer or other problems in the bladder and so on. This would be identified with a cystography and truss. He previously had said that I'd have another urine flow test but he said he'd no longer pursue that.
12 February 2007: P/c from Amanda with more appointments. I had a pre-op assessment on Monday, 2 April - said I'd need three hours. I had an appointment for HDR Brachytherapy on 17 & 18 April, and that I should phone the hospital beforehand. The brachytherapy would be done by Dr S who worked with Prof Y.
I had a lot of questions but Amanda said that all the information I needed would be posted out to me. (Amanda seemed nice.)
14 February 2007: The appointment with Dr S at his North Adelaide clinic troubled me. My father had complained of this as this as the worst thing that he had experienced. I remember him saying "imagine something being shoved down your penis". I also worried about having an empty bladder. I asked to go to the toilet to squeeze any more out. Then the Receptionist (not sure if she was also a nurse) asked if I had a full bladder? Why? She was at first evasive but then pointed to the toilet where there was machinery to do a urine flow test. She encouraged me by saying the test would be free, but I said that I didn't have a full bladder. I was confused because Prof Y had said that it was not needed. Dr S asked the Receptionist about it but she told him that I didn't have a full bladder.
The Receptionist led me to a room and told me to take off my trousers and underpants. She seemed young, but bulky, and not interested in conversation. I wasn't sure if I'd heard right. I asked if I should wear a gown. She said that it wasn't necessary but pointed out a gown on the chair if I really needed it. I expressed my concern about the procedure and she said I'd have a little stinging for a day or two.
I lay on the couch. My penis looked very small. I was very tense. The Receptionist left. I talked to Dr S about my fear of pain and the story of my father. He said that he was surprised that my father didn't have a general anaesthetic.
Dr S told me to relax. I did but then I had the urge to pee. He said to let it go, that he needed me to relax. He invited me to look at the picture of my bladder on the screen.
I looked in wonder at the journey up the urethra passage until the black tube projected into a large compartment (the bladder) of white walls marked with thin red veins. He said, "There's the prostate. Look's small".
I wondered if I was peeing. I felt wet and there was water (or pee) on the floor so I must have.
Despite my fears, there was only a bit of stinging, especially at the beginning, But it got better as I relaxed.
He then put another probe up my back passage.
Dr S said that there was nothing wrong with the bladder, no surprises, but that my prostate was small, only 14 centimetres. He said that he wanted 15 centimetres but that he'd still go ahead because I'd been through so much already. He said previously someone had to go off hormone treatment for a year to get his prostate back to a suitable size before he could do brachytherapy.
Dr S said he'd relay the results to Prof Y and confirmed that he'd be doing the Brachytherapy.
No money to pay.
It still stung when I pee'd the next day.
15 February 2007: Although the pain of peeing was excruciating, my biggest concern is tiredness. I do the morning chores alright but then I have trouble moving. I do the relaxation tape and fall asleep til the mid-afternoon, and I've done nothing that I wanted, like my writing.
19 February 2007: My lack of energy because of the hormone treatment is scary. Today I made it through until 11:30am and then came the overwhelming tiredness. I gave in and listened to the relaxation tape which put me to sleep. I made it back to the computer at 12:40pm and will see how long I last this time.